Playing in my moleskine expanded
Tag: dailyprompt
finally braving my studio
Sitting in my studio has been a struggle
It’s a wreck
I am too overwhelmed to try and organize it
But I need to create. Tonight I sat down and just worked through journal spreads
This one is a favorite
I will remember this feeling
When I prioritized self care
So I can show up stronger
Tomorrow
I completed this little journal
This
What’s your dream job?
This is my dream job. Writing and sharing my creative processes. The writing is it, mostly. But I do think I’d love to add some teaching in there.
The issue is, with the teaching, it’s hard to say that I ever feel qualified to do it because I’m doing what most of us are doing: winging it. I believe I have something to offer, a genuine insight. But I also think that showing up for the writing first and foremost could help me figure that out. Or perhaps share what it is I feel I need to say.
Honestly
What colleges have you attended?
College is a touchy subject for me because it was a struggle. So, I won’t go into ALL of the colleges I’ve attended.
Most of my education was done at Northern Illinois University. I ended up graduating from Easten Illinois University. It took me almost 13 years to complete college. I think I went to six different schools in that time.
Education is different for everyone. Had I a chance to do things over, I would not have gone away to college. I would have researched more and gone through my other options.
But it’s not helpful to dwell on the past.
Making Shapes
Do you play in your daily life? What says “playtime” to you?
My inner critic has not been kind to my abstract collage practice. Especially as I move through it quickly, and the pages become sparse to invite tension between the elements.
The simple layers and the shapes they make intrigue me. Lately the white space has been playing with me, inviting me to use less material for more dramatic effect. I can imagine stories of each one. They are simple, yet intricate and profound. I could fill books and books with pages like these.
My biggest challenge: consistency
My biggest challenge for most of my life has been my inability to stay consistent with my goals. In recent years, since getting sober, I have been able to push myself through some of the resistance. Ultimately, I didn’t see a huge transformation with it until I received my ADHD diagnosis. Everything suddenly took off.
My creative journaling practice, my writing, and finally a movement practice have all become staples in my everyday life. I am so grateful. I am working through some of the grief, anger and loss that have come with realizing I have been trying to hold myself to unrealistic standards most of my life. Growing up with undiagnosed ADHD didn’t look difficult on the surface (I was labeled a gifted kid) but it was exhausting, and all fell apart once I went to college and no longer had the stability I grew up with.
It is hard to acknowledge that had I known this about myself, so much could have been different. Perhaps I wouldn’t have signed over years of my life to alcoholism. Perhaps I wouldn’t have flunked out of college. Maybe I would have cared for my body as the sacred vessel that it is.
I am sitting with these complex feelings, and often process them as I sit with my art journal, because I know that I must feel them, and let them go. It is not helpful to hang on to this longing for times past. All I can do is manage my life as it is happening right now. And right now, I am pretty proud of how far I have come.
Paper Shrines 